Crazy Things My Husband Tells Me

Whenever Ben doesn't agree with me or merely wants to antagonize me, he tells me stories to back up whatever point he is trying to make. It's super annoying because once he comes up with the story, he NEVER lets it go. Let me give you some examples.

Example 1: Snow Whites hair was black because they didn't have brown when they were animating it. Never mind the trees and the dwarfs. (As I typed this, I reminded him of this discussion and now he is trying to convince me they didn't have brown in Sleeping Beauty either)

Example 2: Gazebos originated in the South to take advantage of the climate. He knows this because he took History of American Landscaping at BYU. He said it was offered by the History Department. Interesting since I was a History Major at BYU and I've never heard of it.

Example 3: When wording an invitation "Regrets Only" isn't proper phrasing. He knows this because he was a child prodigy at Hallmark Greetings. However, after coming up with ShoeBox Greetings he became burnt out and had to give it up forever.

Example 4: "You're the first girl I ever kissed." He uses this whenever some boy from my past comes up.

Example 5: Ben apparently is unbeatable at miniature golf because he used to go to mini-golf camp during the summer. Once they spent 3 weeks on windmill strategy.

I just asked him to remind of some more examples and he said, "I don't keep track, I just tell you about my life as the stories come along."

Someday they are going to have to put me in a padded room.

How to spend 10 minutes with Sam.

1. Make sure your child loves straws.
   
   
   
   
2. Put your Diet Coke on a table that your child can reach.
   
   
3. Get distracted and then hear your child having way too much fun. Make sure he's only 2 ft away.
4. Look over and notice that he has spilled the entire thing and is now playing with the spilled DC on the table.
5. Decide whether you want to get mad or take pictures.
6. Take pictures.
7. Stop taking pictures and clean up the mess.
8. Notice that there is a foul scent coming from child's bottom.
9. Prepare to change above mentioned bottom.
10. Take off the diaper, inspect the damage and then squeal as the child starts to puke.
11. Wonder where the puking came from as you clean up the new mess, while holding a baby missing a diaper. Note: Foul smell is very foul.
12. Finish up the diapering and snuggle the crying baby.
13. Find that baby who has been refusing to nap all day has fallen asleep.
14. Take a picture.

WHY ME?! The grossest post ever.

I generally try not to post about things that involve functions that take place in bathrooms or diapers but I just can't help it this time. So just a warning, this post does not follow that rule. If you want a cute picture post, skip this and go to the next post.

Sam has started leaving me (not Ben) "presents" in the bathtub. For this reason, I usually wait until he has completed his "projects" before I stick him in the tub. Tonight I thought I was safe to put him in.

Yeah . . . not so much.

He left me multiple presents.

That isn't the funny part.

The funny part happened after Ben came in to get him and stick him in the sink to clean him up and finish off his bath.

While standing there, waiting for the water, Sam left Daddy a present for once.

On the counter.

Gross!

I have never been so thankful for cleaning products that contain bleach.

Jackson Hole

This week we spent a couple of days in Jackson Hole with the Hansons. Poor Sam had never spent so much time around so many kids. He got lots of attention and lots of "love", especially from his sassafrass cousin Miriam. We refer to her as "The Pink Blur". Her mother offered to let her come play with Sam a couple of hours a day to toughen him up.

I love taking pictures of her! She very sweetly posed for a picture for me one morning wearing my glasses.

On Thursday we went hiking in the Tetons with the whole family. Ben is vocally against hiking. He thinks it is boring. Somehow he was born into a family that LOVES it! Apparently Sam shares Ben's view, he fell asleep as soon as the actual hike began.

I had to throw this picture in just because it is so cute! Sam and Grandpa have a cute little relationship. Sam is constantly trying to steal Grandpa's glasses. If you look closely, you can see his little had sneaking over to grab them out of Grandpa's pocket.

Understanding

Ben got in on the photography this weekend.

He wanted to try out the awesome lens I rented this weekend.

Yes, the one that I desperately want.

Now he understands.

(I love this face!)

Mama Wants A New Lens

So . . . I have a problem. Ok, I have a couple of problems but we are only going to go into one right now.

I want a new camera lens.

Badly.

Very Badly.

But wait, there's more.

Ben says I can't have one until I start making some money with the camera that the lens is going to be attached to.

Hmmmm.

So, with the help of Ben and my sweet sister in laws, I came up with a solution.

I need a lens.

People need pictures.

I like to take pictures.

I could use more practice.

I know people who could use pictures.

Let me take your picture!

I'm not professional but I'm better than some photographers in some studios (cough Kiddie Kandids cough cough). I've had people approach me to take engagements. I'll come to you. (as long as you live on the Wasatch Front) And best of all . . . I'm cheap.

I do mean CHEAP. As in, you set your price . . . for now. I figure I'll take the rest of the summer and work solely on a bid program. You make a bid, I'll probably take your picture. I'll burn you a CD with the images (all photoshopped and pretty) and then they are yours. Forever. You can print as many as you want. If you want, I'll even order prints for you. For cost. If you really hate them, let me know, we'll work something out.

What can I say? I'm a giver.

Know someone who wants pictures? Send them my way. I don't discriminate.

Appointment? Questions? Want to tell me I'm crazy? Email me at mamaneedsalens@gmail.com

This could be your child. Without the ketchup of course.

4th of July - Swimming

Sam had his very first swimming experience today! Ben's brother has a pool and we barbecued with the Hanson clan. He LOVED the water. I think he would have loved it even more if he hadn't woken up at 6:45 this morning and then refused to take more than a half hour nap.

Little stinker.

Tea Party

Our niece Paige and nephew Sterling both had birthdays on Wednesday. I was recruited to help Kristy with Paige's birthday party.

I have a big car.

She needed to haul kids.

Anyway, I got to take lots of cute pictures but this is one of my favorites from the day. It's Paige's little brother Cameron.

Cameron says he has 4 nicknames: C-Dog, Cam-Bam, Sponge Bob and Phineas. Ben likes to call him Dot Com.

Anyway, Cam attended the tea party. It wasn't long before he decided that a tea party was not a place for a 4 yr old boy.

He wanted a balloon to blow up.

He really wanted to let the air out of the balloon so he could imitate gross boy noises.

Ben would probably say he looks sad because he is a BYU fan.