Halloween

So I have not been posting in an effort to get Tracey to write something but Halloween is coming up so I thought I would link to the most awesome video of all time. Click here for one of the funniest videos of recent memory

Family stuff

So I thought that I should take a little break from posting horrible videos and attempting to be funny to try to do some family news. First lets start with Kent. It really is amazing how much he has recovered from this entire ordeal. This is not to say that he is completely back to normal, he still has some nerve damage on the left side of his face. This is not completely bad since now he is undefeated in one eye staring contests with his primary class. His being "half retarded" (his words) has slowed him down a little bit with the ladies, but I am sure if he wore his eye patch a little more that would all change since women love a guy that looks dangerous. Now he needs an awesome nickname like Snake or one of the nicknames of any of the American gladiators. My personal favorite is Nitro or Laser.

I think that ought to fulfill my postly quota of family stuff. Now is the portion of this post where I rant a little. So tonight Tracey and I went to Cafe Rio, which is always nice because there is nothing I like more than eating so much I feel sick. After we ordered, the dude behind us placed his order. At first I was not paying attention but when I heard the question "black or pinto beans?" answered with "negras" I was filled with rage. There are few things that make me as angry as someone thinking they are cool by ordering in Spanish. It is not as if the restaurant worker does not speak any English and it made his day to have someone say 5 words in his native tongue. All it does is make everyone in the restaurant think "hey there is some douchebag that can't let his Spanish speaking mission go" Then again I probably should let it go but I probably won't

Friday vieo

I know I have been in a video posting mood recently and there has not been a ton of family stuff in here recently, but I could not resist posting this video. Not only is her outfit so awesome that my eyeballs almost exploded but the acting and dancing are about as good as it gets. For your Friday, I present this video....

Where I spend my time...

Recently I have been afflicted with an unpleasant disease. I will not go into the details since they are unpleasant but lets say that I think it is salmonella due to my love of cookie dough and licking the spoon clean when Tracey makes cupcakes. Now normally I really try hard to not steal other blogs posts but since this has a lot to do with where I was spending the majority of my time. May I present the most awesome toilets of all time:

Awesome video

So Tracey and I were driving last night and I started singing some Rick Astley. First she was surprised I knew who sung the song, but second she had never seen what he looks like in real life. Now I read a sports column from "The Sports Guy" and he has a thing called the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars of people with names that do not seem to match up with their ethnicity. I feel Rick Astley should have his own category of people that have voices that do not match their bodies. The reason I am naming this after him can only be demonstrated by this amazing video

Church Unveils "Slow-Track" Program

Here's an article I thought our readership might enjoy

In order to better meet the needs of "our most average members," church representative Howard S. Jeppeson announced the creation of a new slow-track membership program. "This program caters to those members of the church who may not be top-level celestial material but who are still willing to put in a nominal effort toward their own salvation," he said.

The slow-track program includes the same components of normal church membership, but at a more relaxed pace. Members who sign on for the program are required to read scriptures and have personal and family prayer once a week, attend church once a month, visit teach or home teach four times a year, and watch one session of general conference every other year. If slow-track members can commit to these requirements for five years, they can earn a temple recommend stamped with an S for "slow track," after which they are expected to attend the temple semiannually. According to Jeppeson, the church may create a shorter, condensed version of the temple ceremony for S-track members "in order to better accommodate those members'
Shorter attention spans and lower levels of ambition."

Social historian Jane Schippen, PhD, a long-time scholarly observer of Mormon society, hails the new slow-track program. "Mormonism pays a great deal of attention to its high achievers, like those who are stake president before they turn forty or women who have eight children and maintain a spotless house," she observed. Similarly, she continued, "Mormons spend a lot of time and energy worrying about those on the other end of the spectrum, the less-actives." She sees the slow-track program as "a way to acknowledge and honor the vast majority of Mormons, those who will never hold high positions of leadership but who are nevertheless active - the sloggers, if you will."

Logan Stake president Gary L. Hackett agrees with Schippen and says that the new slow-track program "will prod the lazy ones into progressing at least a little bit, which is an improvement." He estimates that implementing the slow track will cut administrative tasks, such as nagging phone calls to complete home or visiting teaching, by as much as 75 percent. "It's about time we recognized that not everyone in the church is that top ten percent of the celestial kingdom material," he notes. "And, really, that's okay. I mean, the bottom two levels of the celestial kingdom are supposed to be pretty good too, right?"

Most members seem happy with the soon-to-be-implemented system. "Let's face it," says local member Larry K. Whiting. "I'm not cut out for this high-paced, pressure-oriented Mormon lifestyle. I mean, home teaching four families every month? The scheduling alone takes way too much time. And then I have to go over there and pretend I care about these people when I'd rather be home watching ESPN? Give me the slow-track program any day."

Local member Kendra Koenig agrees. "Do you know how much fun it is trying to roust five kids out of bed for family scripture study and prayer at 6:30A.M.? I am sick to death of nagging them about it, and you can believe it's not doing our family harmony any good." She praised the slow-track system for offering a more realistic temple-attendance schedule. "Like anyone who has a life can manage to get out there twice a month? This slow-track program is the answer to my infrequent prayers."
One Elders Quorum President read this announcement to his Quorum. He had so many wanting to sign up that he had to tell them it was just a Joke!

The return of Karate Chop

So I highly doubt that anyone is even checking this page anymore but the Kent break has gone on long enough. This event has led Tracey and I to realize that maybe we need to post about family stuff and things we have been doing instead of just unsuccessfully trying to be funny so there will probably be lots of posts about awesome tv shows and movies but there will also be stuff about us trying to visit friends only to get rejected (you know who you are) and family get togethers. To mark this occasion I have decided to link to this awesome video.